Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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