u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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