I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize