Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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