big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
