What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
