Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
