whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're too hungover to prance.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
