Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
