the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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