So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
