i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
