Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My dick has a subreddit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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