1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
