I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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