Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
