and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
