the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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