sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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