between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
