i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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