Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
