yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
