I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
