Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
