Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
