She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
