I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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