You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
