Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
