I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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