"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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