Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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