why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need moral support for this bender
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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