seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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