If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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