Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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