I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
