I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize