Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize