My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
