And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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