you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
