with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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