can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
