in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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