no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
