I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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