She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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