Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
