Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
