The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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