Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
