I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
