drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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