It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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