Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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