I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize