i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
