Ambien. No doubt about it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
