can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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