3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
