It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
