I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
