Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
