I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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