if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
